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I am currently taking English Composition 1.  I had to complete a Rough draft last week for a Illustration Essay.  I received a 86 B on my paper.  My professor has given me some suggestions.  I was wondering if I attached it if you would look at it and make the necessary corrections.  I will need the references if you add anything with references.  I have to turn in the final paper Monday.  I was hoping to have this done by Saturday night.  The professors comments are on the last page in red.  If you are able to help me would you be able to make your suggestions in a different color of ink so I know what to fix.

Thank you.

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Dealing with Peer Pressure

Linda Hilling

Columbia Southern University

PEER PRESSURE

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Dealing with Peer Pressure

Peer pressure unfortunately is something that everybody faces in their life. It is also a

challenge that many of us face in our everyday lives. Peer pressure socially influences us to act

similar to our peers. Peer pressure is defined as ?The social influence a peer group exerts on its

individual members, as each member attempts to conform to the expectations of the group?

(Dictionary.reference.com). When you have the influence of dealing with peer pressure it can

become very tricky. You as your own person will have to decide whether you are going to fall

into this category or not. Some people who fall into this category think it will make them cool.

Dealing with peer pressure can define one?s life in a multitude of different ways.

Peer pressure can come in many different ways and different forms. When peer pressure

is first thought of the first thing that is commonly thought of is drugs and alcohol. Unfortunately

we all know that these are not the only forms of peer pressure. Some other forms of peer

pressure could be something simple as having a friend pressure you in going to a certain school

because that is where they will be going. If a person was to pick a school by what their friends

wanted them to do it could jeopardize their entire future. If a person were to fall to the pressure

that involved drugs and/or alcohol that would have a greater impact on their future. We all know

what drugs and alcohol can do to a person?s life.

The decision must be made whether or not you are going to fall into the category of peer

pressure and this is where it gets tricky. Many consequences will have to be faced. If a person

chooses to fall into the category of peer pressure there could be many positive and many negative

effects that may occur in their life. If they choose to try drugs or alcohol they could face all

kinds of problems which could include legal issues, addiction, loss of friends, and most of all not

being able to have control of their life.

PEER PRESSURE

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When dealing with peer pressure we always assume that it is always negative and never

think that there could be a positive form of peer pressure. Friends often encourage each other to

either do their worst but they can also encourage them to do their best. An example I will use is

a friend might join a volunteer group because his/her friends are participating in it or might even

get good grades because his/her friend has been getting good grades. When you are around a

positive peer group it can and it will boost your self esteem. It might even help or even prevent

from engaging in harmful behaviors. Positive peer influence can lead you to engage in activities

that are new and will help build strong pathways (ReachOut.com).

We might ask ourselves over and over where peer pressure comes from. Peer pressure

can be present at school or even in the community. It affects people of all backgrounds and all

ages. Peer pressure can be as simple and direct as someone who is telling you what to do. If you

feel threatened in any way or pressured it might be a good idea to talk to someone who you trust

like a family member, friend, teacher or a counselor. Peer pressure is not always obvious. It is

not uncommon for a group of friends to have habits or activities that they might do together.

Some examples might be smoking or drinking when you are with a certain group of friends. The

pressure will sometimes come from you (ReachOut.com).

When you are with a group it is hard not to feel different. This can happen if you move

to a new place either to start a new job or to start a new school. This means you have to make

new friends and fit into a new environment. In order for you not to feel out of place you might

do things to make sure you are fitting in with the rest of the group. When people start to feel

unsure about themself is when they are more likely to feel the effects of peer pressure

(ReachOut.com).

PEER PRESSURE

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Being your own individual means you must make your own decisions on what is best for

you. It means you must take ownership and take responsibility for what you do and how you

think. Being an individual means you are a valued part of a group. No one said it wouldn?t be

hard to resist peer pressure. The most important thing as a human being is to remember you are

your own person and you need to make your own decisions and learn to be comfortable in your

own environment.

*****Feedback from Professor*****

Linda, you have a good start with your draft. However, I would recommend that you spend some time with your

revision. Remember that transforming your first draft into a final draft can be a challenging process. The

following questions may guide you as you decide what and how to revise. Questions to Ask Yourself THE

INTRODUCTION 1. Do I catch the reader's interest, provide relevant background, and narrow the topic into a

thesis sentence? Does the thesis encompass all of my key ideas? Can I underline the thesis to make sure that

it is clearly stated? Do I need to adjust the thesis--either broaden or narrow it? THE REVIEW 2. Have I clearly

organized my paragraphs, using one main idea per paragraph? Have I included a topic sentence to introduce

the main idea for each paragraph? Do I need to adjust any topic sentences in any way? 3. Have I used

transitions as links back to the thesis and to preceding paragraphs? 4. Does my argument: ? have a clear

structure? (Can I easily outline it? Can someone else?) ? develop in the most logical order? Would a different

organization be more effective? ? respond in sufficient depth to all aspects of the assignment? 5. Do I have

enough evidence, or too much? Does my evidence advance the argument in some way, without repeating the

same points? Does each sub-argument have enough explanation and support (quotations, detailed discussion

of events or language,...)? 6. Do I explain in my own words the significance of all quotations? Am I using

quotations to support my own analysis? Am I using the documentation method my professor requires? THE

CONCLUSION 7. Does my conclusion bring my argument to a close? Does it tie the argument together in such

a way that the reader knows my purpose in writing this paper? Does it accomplish more, such as provide a

broader context for the topic, propose a course of action, offer a new perspective on the topic, or end with an

interesting twist? Do I leave my reader with something to ponder? Remember, this class is not about ?fixing?

one paper, but it is instead about giving you the tools to create a solid writing process. You should use these

questions to craft a stronger text while crafting a stronger awareness about writing. Thanks and take care, Dr.

Kat

PEER PRESSURE

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References

Dictionary.reference.com

ReachOut.com. (n.d.). Retrieved February 22, 2016, from http://us.reachout.com/realstories/friendships-and-peer-relationships/coping-with-peer-problems

ReachOut.com. (n.d.). Retrieved February 22, 2016, from

http://us.reachout.com/facts/factsheet/peer-pressure

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